DEAR ABBY: I am a retired executive chef, divorced for many years with three adult children. My son was also an executive chef, but no longer. He is a mean alcoholic. He stays drunk when not at his job, and he says cruel and nasty things to all family members. His older sister has written him off because of all the hurtful things he has said about her and her family. He calls me when he is drunk and wants to talk about cooking, though he hates it. He doesn’t listen to me at all and just goes on and on. His mother passed three years ago, and he has never gotten over it. He was her favorite.
I love my son very much but can’t talk with him anymore as it upsets me for days after. How can I get him to seek counseling? He won’t listen to anyone. He admits that he has an alcohol problem but chooses to do nothing about it. The only other family member who still talks to him is his younger sister, and he is mean to her as well. What can we do to help him?
— ANGUISHED DAD IN TEXAS
DEAR DAD: I am sorry for your pain, but you cannot force your son to deal with his alcohol addiction. Until he faces the full consequences of what it is costing him — in other words, hits rock bottom — he will do nothing about it. I hope you will consider visiting some Al-Anon meetings, which you can find by going to al-anon.org/info. These meetings are everywhere, and you should have little difficulty finding one. If you do, you will find other parents, spouses, siblings and friends of alcoholics who are trying to deal with the same issues as you.
** ** **
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 26 years. I have often felt as if we were growing apart, finding interests in different things. We seem unable to discuss our emotions without one of us getting hurt feelings and the talk devolving into awful arguments. There has never been any real question of extramarital affairs.
One night, I playfully asked if I could go through his computer. He immediately became defensive, saying he just doesn’t like people getting into his computer, messing with his stuff. I get that. I wouldn’t want just anybody getting into my computer, either. However, I am not just anybody; I’m his wife. He has full access to all of my computers, phones and digital accessories. Why do I feel like he’s got something to hide? I don’t know what to do.
— PRESUMPTION OF GUILT
DEAR PRESUMPTION: Pressing your husband on this issue right now will only lead to more arguments. If you want to repair the marriage, you both need to learn to communicate more effectively. Without mentioning his computer, invite your husband to see a licensed family therapist with you. If he refuses, go without him. If he agrees, work on the basics now and save the privacy issues and your suspicions for future sessions.
My fifth grader wants to take Regional Rail back from his downtown magnet school by himself. He’s done a few weeks with an adult so he knows the route, and I can track him on my phone. But he doesn’t have any buddies to walk back with. Is this crazy, or will it help foster independence?
Amy Rosenberg, Life & Culture reporter
I want this to be OK, but my first thought is maybe fifth grade is a little too young?
Elizabeth Wellington, features columnist
I think you might be right, Amy. I mean, when I was 10 — and that was 100 years ago — I took the bus by myself. But the train was a different animal completely. There are a lot of ways for them to get lost, and missing a stop is a long walk, rather than a few blocks. You know?
Amy Rosenberg
It also depends on the child. Some are more ready than others. A group of fifth graders, or maybe two of them together, might work? Not sure about the walk home from the stop either. I walked to and from school for lunch as a fifth grader and that seemed fine, but it was also a long time ago.
Elizabeth Wellington
I walked to and from school by myself when I was in the fifth grade. I demanded it because I had a crush on a boy, but that’s another story.
Now, I’d be afraid to let my fifth grader walk to the end of the block by themselves. Then again, I wouldn’t want to foster sense of fear for the city in my fifth grader either.
Amy Rosenberg
I used to walk home and read the newspaper that was in the driveway and eat my lunch out of a bag (not every day!). My girls had a lot of freedom as kids, but still, as fifth graders they were not traveling around by themselves.
Maybe this person hires someone to meet the child at the train station? I’d definitely try to find another student making that same trip. Maybe there’s an older student that could be a buddy.
Elizabeth Wellington
That’s a great idea. I think the fifth grader wants to feel independent around friends, and there are always friends to travel from school to the train with. If someone is waiting for them when they get home then the parent can know the child made it home safely and the 10-year-old can still feel cared for. Because sometimes when you’re 10 — and even when you are 50 — you need to know someone is there for you when you get home.
When the 10-year-old becomes a 12-year-old or maybe even 13, then they can travel by themselves confidently. Even today, as Gen X’s latchkey-kid generation, I’m not sure 9- and 10-year-olds coming home by themselves from school was the safest thing.
Amy Rosenberg
I agree. There’s a lot of maturing that happens between 10 and 12. I think kids should move around the city confidently and be able to ride public trains by themselves, but the sweet spot age seems a little bit older than fifth grade. Especially the start of fifth grade.
I also think the parent would worry, and be constantly tracking, or even on the phone with the child, and that’s hardly independence. That’s just anxiety.
Elizabeth Wellington
And independence for one person should never translate to anxiety for a loved one.
Amy Rosenberg
I had an after-school babysitter one year who famously drove into our garage door with my girls in the backseat, at around fifth grade. Luckily, only damage to the garage door. So danger everywhere!
Elizabeth Wellington
Yeah, and I fear a 10-year-old kid walking to and from school by themselves, even with a cell phone, might be a danger magnet.
I’m getting nervous just thinking about it.
Amy Rosenberg
I have recently done a bit of traveling on Regional Rail, and I didn’t see anyone that young. And those stations are big. It’s nice to want independence for your kids, but this seems like a big step. I would definitely wait, or try to find a traveling buddy.
I also bet other parents at the school have a big range of travel strategies and opinions about age and independence.
So, look for smaller ways to foster independence at this age.
Elizabeth Wellington
And explain it to them in a way that doesn’t say you don’t trust them, but that it’s a good idea to wait a few years.
Amy Rosenberg
Yeah, lean into finding a buddy or two. I traveled on trains to school with buddies beginning at around 14 and those were great memories.
Elizabeth Wellington
I think it’s important that the child knows that it’s not that you don’t trust them. … Just it’s not their season yet to be taking public transportation alone.
Zoe Tanner’s handiwork is immediately recognizable: Cloudlike cold foam puffs flecked with sprinkles that adorn the lattes at Loretta’s, the Society Hill cafe at the epicenter of Philly’s little treat boom.
Loretta’s sells about 200 specialty lattes on a busy day, Tanner estimates.
This September, Tanner spent hours in Loretta’s basement making bite-size uncrustables to top the coffee shop’s PB&J latte, which comes with Concord grape syrup and a peanut butter cold foam. In May, the drink du jour was a black-raspberry-maple concoction topped with a nutty tahini whip and sprinkles shaped like spring flowers. Next month, Tanner is whipping up a banana latte decorated with pretzel rod ghosts. Proceeds from each creation have gone to local charities such as ACCT Philly and the Eagles Autism Foundation.
“Say what you want about the girls that come in from Instagram, but they’re making a difference by buying a drink,” Tanner said. “That matters to me.”
Tanner, 31, serves as the operations director of all three of Bush and Morris’ businesses, splitting her days between training staff, managing inventory, and developing latte recipes. Barista-ing at Loretta’s, however, is the best part of her job.
“I love connecting with people,” said Tanner. “And coffee is so cool because it goes through so many processes to get into your cup, but everyone who touches it is really important, from the grower to the roaster to the barista.”
Zoe Tanner pipes marshmallow whip onto a speciality latte at Loretta’s, a coffee shop in Society Hill.Jessica Griffin / Staff Photographer
Tanner, who moved to Philly in 2015 from a small town in Maryland, fell into coffee by working at Starbucks while attending the University of Valley Forge. After, she worked her way up from being a barista at La Colombe’s Dilworth Park location to account manager for the local coffee chain, where she was responsible for convincing mom-and-pop shops to use the brand’s products. She started at Loretta’s when they opened.
The job fuels Tanner’s second career as a self-made musician who writes, records, and mixes all her music. This fall, Tanner will release her fifth album as Mommy Rockstar Bitch, the grunge persona that has helped Tanner find power in her role as the self-proclaimed “mom friend.”
Tanner said working at Loretta’s keeps her grounded like the novelist Charles Bukowski, who kept his job as a mailman during his early days as a writer. It’s also brought her unexpected fame.
Zoe Tanner plays guitar in the living room of her apartment in Olde Kensington.Rowan Ohara
“I was running in Fishtown the other day when a group stopped me and were like, ‘Can we take a picture with you? You’re the Loretta’s girl,’” Tanner said. “Never did I think coffee would be how I build my brand.”
So, how does Philly’s most famous barista spend a perfect day in the city? It involves sharing human food with her dog, running a half marathon, and mixing music from her home in Olde Kensington.
5 a.m.
I generally wake up at 5 a.m. with my dog Barrett — a 6-year-old German shorthaired pointer — barking at me to give him pets. I automatically smile; one of my biggest accomplishments in life is that he’s so well-behaved because GSPs are such a tough breed.
After a quick morning walk with Barrett, I’ll head to a 6 a.m. Heated Power Strength yoga class at Monarch Yoga in Kensington. I go without having any coffee, which is so unnatural for me, and then when I get out, I feel so awake and alive. The music is also so upbeat and fun for a strength class, but since it’s a yoga studio, [the instructor] still gives us a spiritual concept to focus on.
Tanner likes to share food with Barrett, her 6-year -old German shorthaired pointer. His favorites include banh mi from Ba Le and pizza from Pizzeria Beddia.Jessica Griffin / Staff Photographer
7:30 a.m.
Next, I’ll grab Barrett for a long walk that’s mostly about him being the center of attention. People might say that I’m a bad dog mom for this, but I share my food with him.
I’m not even embarrassed by this because Barrett has good taste: When we go on long runs, we always stop at Ba Le Bakery in South Philly for a lemongrass and beef banh mi, and when we walk down Frankford Avenue, he will literally yank me across the street for Huda Burger. I even gave him a Pizzeria Beddia birthday party. I promise he’s a healthy dog.
Anyway, on our long walks we will either stop at Rival Brothers Coffeefor a short Americano and so Barrett can look out the window, or Càphê Roasters to split a fried chicken sandwich. It’s funny because I used to joke about never wanting to be a regular somewhere, but now I walk into these places and it feels like I’m talking to my siblings. It’s a beautiful way to start my morning.
The inside of Càphê Roasters in Kensington, where Tanner and her dog Barrett are regulars.Monica Herndon / Staff Photographer
10 a.m.
After also feeding Barrett real dog food, I head down to Loretta’s to clock in for a shift. On a perfect day, work involves barista-ing a little bit, doing latte research, and filming content for social media.
All of our specialty lattes involve a specialty syrup and cold foam, and they take about three iterations each to get right. I love it because I feel like I’m in a lab, trying to find the right balance of fun and sweetness without just serving people sugar just because it looks pretty … [Kelsey Bush] and I are both very anti-unicorn frappuccinos.
As director of operations at Loretta’s, Zoe Tanner says the best parts of her job include working on latte recipes and barisa-ing.Jessica Griffin / Staff Photographer
At some point, I will stop for lunch. I’m in a protein era right now, so I like to order the Emma, which I equate to Loretta’s version of a chicken Caesar salad wrap. I also love our Rice Krispies Treats. They’re just perfectly done. Packaged Rice Krispies Treats are always so dry.
2 p.m.
It is officially time for me to go on a long run — 13.1 miles at minimum because I’m a distance diva.
My go-to route is river to river: I’ll run from my apartment to Penn Treaty Park, down to the Headhouse Shambles, across South Street to Schuylkill Park, up to the Philadelphia Museum of Art, and back.
While I’m running, I like to listen to a lot of my raw mixes to get a sense of what needs work, but if I’m trying to have a really blissful run, I’ll listen to Dean Blunt or Sade. If you run by the river and put on Sade, you’ll feel like the hottest person in the universe. Trust.
Tanner likes to run along the Schuylkill River, the Delaware River, and through Penn Treaty Park.TYGER WILLIAMS / Staff Photographer
I also like to think of my runs as quests. I will deliberately only bring my phone and headphones so I’m forced to stop for the things I need to keep going, like a snack or electrolytes. It’s fun because it helps me get to know the city better, even after more than a decade. … I think people get tired of Philly because they don’t chew down on it enough.
Running this way has also made me a public bathroom expert because peeing, of course, is always part of the quests. My hot tip: Never count out a Whole Foods.
6 p.m.
After my run, I like to get dinner and drinks with my friends.
Our go-to is Monk’s Cafe, which I recently learned might be haunted? I typically order the Thai curry mussels, a saison, and fries.
I know there’s a lot of discourse about Monk’s having the best fries, but I want to make clear that I do NOT play that game. Fries come in all shapes and sizes, and they’re all good. I would never body shame a fry. It’s like trying to say a basketball player is more athletic than a football player. How could you?
A pot of mussels in Thai curry broth at Monk’s Cafe.Craig LaBan
If we want to have a less chill night, my friends and I will go to Johnny Brenda’s— I had my first ever legal drink there, and they make a great steak. For a more chill night, we like to eat at Phở 75. I want my pho with dark meat chicken and all the fixings — jalapeños, bean sprouts, cilantro, sriracha, hoisin. Barrett, of course, will probably have a piece of the chicken.
9 p.m.
I like to end my day with music, either by practicing with my band or mixing my album, which reminds me a lot of coming up with drinks for Loretta’s since both start with me asking the same question: What can I do to make this thing pop?
Sound mixing is so similar to food and beverage because it’s very easy to sense when you’ve done too much and need to pull back. Things often taste and sound the best when they’re at their most natural.
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Wonderland Pier closed almost two years ago. Now, Ocean City has declared part of the former amusement pier unsafe after a wall beneath the decking began caving in. Developer Eustace Mita says the iconic Ferris wheel — which his original hotel proposal called for preserving — is in such bad shape that it will have to be “literally torched” and cut into pieces to come down.
Oof.
For generations of families, that Ferris wheel was part of the Ocean City skyline. You could see it from the beach, the boardwalk, blocks away. Even after Wonderland closed, it was still there.
There’s plenty of debate over what happens to this property next, including Mita’s proposed hotel. But whatever eventually replaces Wonderland, this part is just sad.
A bad-luck sports September: F
Did the Phillies, Eagles, and Flyers collectively break a mirror? Walk under a ladder? Open an umbrella indoors?
First, Phillies All-Star starter Jesús Luzardo landed on the injured list with a sore shoulder, just as the postseason approached. Then the Eagles lost three-time Pro Bowl guard Landon Dickerson to injured reserve with a bone bruise in his already twice-repaired right knee. And Tuesday, Flyers MVP Dan Vladař left a preseason game injured after a collision.
The Phillies were counting on Luzardo as a major part of an October rotation. The Eagles already look like they desperately miss Dickerson in the run game. And Vladař was the heart of the Flyers team that finally made hockey fun around here again last season.
Bad luck comes in threes, right? Well, apparently not.
So much for completing our allotment of sports misery.
Whatever dark cloud is following Philadelphia sports around, please find another city. Four is plenty. We’ve officially met our injury quota for the month.
Fall understood the assignment: A+
Finally, fall in Philly actually feels like fall. The autumnal equinox arrived Tuesday, and somehow the weather timed it perfectly: cool mornings, highs in the 60s, and just enough color starting to show up in the trees.
This is the good stuff. Open windows, sweatshirts, and walks that don’t end in sweating. It’s the beginning of leaves changing along Kelly Drive and the few glorious weeks when sitting outside is actually pleasant.
Of course, Philly weather couldn’t just let us enjoy this. A powerful early-season nor’easter is expected to bring heavy rain and winds that could gust to 45 mph in the city this weekend, with even worse conditions and significant flooding possible at the Shore.
Fall arrived right on time. Apparently, it also brought weather.
The agency unveiled an ambitious 10-year vision this week that includes new trolleys, new El cars, more accessible stations, and a pretty wild idea for Regional Rail: trains every 15 minutes or better on several lines. SEPTA says the change would essentially give the region another 75 miles of subway-level frequent rail service.
And people are riding again. SEPTA says it’s now carrying more than 800,000 daily riders, after reporting a summer spike tied in part to Philly’s huge slate of events.
There is, naturally, a very SEPTA-sized catch: Someone has to pay for all of this. The agency still faces a $192 million operating deficit next fiscal year, and much of this vision depends on additional funding.
But after years of “save SEPTA,” it’s nice to spend a week imagining a SEPTA that gets better instead of merely surviving. Regional Rail that comes every 15 minutes? Keep talking.
Broad Street Line signs, like the one pictured above, quickly sold out in SEPTA’s RETROmania sale.Courtesy of SEPTA
$350 for an old SEPTA sign?: B
Speaking of SEPTA, it may have accidentally discovered its next funding source.
Philadelphians have spent years complaining about SEPTA. Turns out, we like to own pieces of it.
SEPTA dug through its vault and put old transit signs, maps, and TransPass sheets up for sale this month, and people went nuts. More than 100 decommissioned signs sold, some for $350 apiece, and the old Broad Street Line signs were among the first to go. (Duh.)
The sale came about because riders kept asking what SEPTA was doing with the old signs as it switched the Broad Street Line to the “B” — a name change many Philadelphians are still politely declining to participate in.
And apparently nothing says the Broad Street Line will always be the Broad Street Line quite like paying $350 to hang the evidence in your basement.
Lynnewood Hall is getting a second chance under new ownership.Monica Herndon
Lynnewood Hall opens its doors: A
For 84 years, one of the most spectacular buildings in the Philadelphia region has been sitting in Elkins Park with its doors closed to the public, but not anymore.
Lynnewood Hall, the 100,000-square-foot Gilded Age mansion built for industrialist Peter A.B. Widener, is now open to the public for the first time since 1942. And naturally, a house this over-the-top is reopening (through Oct. 4) with thousands of flowers and a show inspired by HBO’s The Gilded Age.
But the really exciting part is what happens after the flowers leave.
The mansion sat abandoned for decades before the Lynnewood Hall Preservation Foundation bought it for $9.5 million in 2023 and began the enormous job of bringing it back to life. Now, the group is planning more public programming for 2027.
There are plenty of old buildings around Philly that people wish somebody had saved before it was too late, so it’s pretty nice to watch one actually get a second chance.
At Marlton’s Johnny Longhots on Sept. 18, 2026, are (from left): Ralph DiSibio, 85, Bob McDermott, 83, Gary Mazzucco, 78, Paul Ferretti, 79, John DeSilvio, 74, and Mike Mouber, 79.Aidan T. Gallo / Staff Photographer
Retirement, but make it cheesesteaks: A+
Six friends from a 55+ community in Moorestown have embarked on a mission to find the best cheesesteak in South Jersey, trying a new spot every month and debating the important things: bread firmness, hot peppers, meat-to-money ratio and whether Cooper Sharp was actually the right call.
There’s a spreadsheet, but no real scoring system. They mostly decide whether a sandwich is “good” or not while talking about sports, movies, and whatever else comes up.
So far, Chick’s Deli is winning. Donkey’s lost points for the kaiser roll. And they refuse to cross the bridge because there are too many cheesesteaks in Philly and, as they put it, they’re not sure they have enough time to eat them all.
Forget pickleball, these guys have retirement figured out.
As a reporter for “How I Bought This House,” The Inquirer’s series that shares the stories of how people purchased homes, I’ve spent a lot of time asking people about, well, how they bought their houses. How much they offered. What they waived. What they regretted. I’ve learned all sorts of tips and tricks, strategies, and common mistakes to avoid.
So when I bought my first house this August in Philadelphia, I fancied myself savvier than the average first-time buyer. I knew, for instance, that the appropriate response to discovering knob-and-tube wiring is to run in the opposite direction, and that only a fool would waive the inspection.
I headed into the process eager and overly confident, sure I’d be able to nab the perfect house well below the asking price and secure a mortgage at the lowest possible interest rate. I’d planned to use things I learned while helming this column, like seller assists and mortgage buydowns, to finagle the seller into practically giving me the house for free.
Then I found a house I really wanted, and I learned that knowing what to do is one thing. Doing it when you are terrified that someone else might buy your dream house is another.
Most of the hacks I picked up flew out the window the second another couple showed up at the open house. Faced with a competitive seller’s market, I quickly folded on things I would’ve previously considered nonnegotiable.
Like the inspection. While I didn’t waive it entirely, I did agree to it being “information only,” meaning I gave up my right to ask the seller to fix or pay for anything. Information-only inspections can strengthen your offer when you can’t afford to pay more, but they can still end up costing you in the form of a hefty repair bill.
Looking back, I wish I had done a full inspection. I didn’t know the details of the other offers, but I doubt anyone else waived theirs. When the report came back with a list of necessary repairs totaling $15,000, I was stuck.
I knew from interviewing dozens of buyers that people often use inspection findings to negotiate a seller’s credit. I would’ve liked to ask for one to cover some of the $12,000 it cost to replace the cloth wiring. But because I’d agreed to an information-only inspection, my only real option was to walk away. I believe this is what people in business call giving away your leverage.
And speaking of giving away leverage, I don’t know why I offered over the asking price except that fear is a powerful motivator. And by that point, I had developed a healthy fear of being outbid.
I had already been outbid on two houses, both of which sold for more than $40,000 above asking. This time I could afford to offer more, so I did, even though I didn’t know what the other offers were.
In a less panicky state, I might have remembered something I’d heard again and again reporting on homebuyers: If someone else offered more than us, the seller would probably circle back and ask if I could match them. That would’ve been a good time to go above the asking price. Instead, I did it right out of the gate. To borrow another phrase from the business community, I negotiated against myself.
Thankfully, not everything I learned from How I Bought This House was for naught. While debating ways I could fend off the competition I was convinced was trying to steal my house, I remembered a couple from Collingswood who hoped to avoid a bidding war. They had bought and sold several homes before, so they knew how to put together an irresistible offer. One of the things they did was waive the mortgage contingency.
When you waive the mortgage contingency, you’re essentially telling the seller that your financing is your problem, not theirs. If your loan falls through, you can’t back out of the deal and get your earnest money back. You have to be able to buy the house one way or another.
It sounds risky — especially if you’re still planning to use a mortgage — but I felt it was a risk I could safely take. My lender was confident I’d be approved.
Plus, I knew the seller would find it appealing because sellers love certainty. Waiving the mortgage contingency gave them the security of an all-cash offer without requiring us to actually make one. A true “win-win,” as my friends in business would say.
Of course, I have no idea whether it won us the house, but after spending so much of the process paying extra to calm my own nerves, it felt good to finally strengthen my offer for free.
If I learned anything from buying my first house, it’s that you should decide what you’re willing to spend, waive, or risk before you fall in love. Then stick to it. I didn’t. But I still got the house. And I don’t have any regrets.
DEAR ABBY: I have a group of friends who get together once a month, usually for a casual dinner. Next month’s gathering will be to celebrate three birthdays, one of which is mine. While planning this gathering (via text), I asked if we could skip exchanging presents and just enjoy our time together. The response from my friends was “No! We’re doing presents.” I know their intention is good; these are very generous friends. But I’m working only part time and have to pay for my health insurance out of pocket. They said I don’t need to get them presents, but they will be getting me presents, so naturally I feel the pressure to reciprocate. While I’m not the most creative person, I could get away with making them something, but I’m also a bit put off. Shouldn’t my wishes have been respected since it’s my birthday?
— BIRTHDAY GIRL IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL: Happy birthday! Your friends understand why you don’t want to exchange gifts, and they want to give you something anyway. They aren’t doing it to pressure you; they’re doing it out of love. If giving them a handcrafted item would help you feel better, that’s fine, but please don’t feel disrespected by their generosity.
** ** **
DEAR ABBY: My husband of two years and I are opposites when it comes to planning. He’s spontaneous and acts on the spur of the moment. I’m the type who plans everything down to the last nanosecond (slight exaggeration). Everything came to a head last Saturday when he suddenly decided to start a household project at 5 p.m. We were supposed to meet another couple for an evening out at 7. When he started the project, I reminded him of our date and asked him to let the other couple know that something had come up and we wouldn’t make it. I thought he had taken care of it until they texted me at 7:15 wanting to know where we were. I texted back, “Been delayed, on my way.” I dressed hurriedly, put on makeup in the car, broke all speed records and arrived there about 45 minutes late. I made excuses for him, knowing he has done this to them before. We were halfway through the meal when he showed up, wearing the same “work around the house” clothes from earlier. (I was surprised the hostess even seated him.) I was embarrassed, the other couple was understandably peeved, and I have had it with his inconsiderate behavior! Please advise.
— NOT OK IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR NOT OK: If your husband doesn’t know what a faux pas he committed by leaving the other couple hanging, tell him. His behavior was thoughtless and rude. Because you know he is forgetful, you should have kept asking him if he had made the call, or you could have done it yourself. I think your biggest mistake was trying to cover for him by fibbing. In the future, make sure you arrive promptly. Let him do his own explaining, make his own apologies and experience the fallout.
Your outdoorsy experience: An adventure at a quiet oasis in Abington Township.
☀️ Your weekend weather outlook: Friday will be partly sunny, then showers are expected to douse the region thanks to an early-season nor’easter. Flood warnings are in effect for the Shore.
September ushers in pawpaw season, but it won’t last for long. It’s delicate and highly perishable, so now is the time to act.
🥭 The pawpaw is North America’s largest edible native fruit. It’s tropical-like in flavor, combining hints of papaya, mango, banana, and pineapple. My colleague Jenn Ladd said: “It tastes like a cross between a mango and a banana.”
🧺 You can forage them around the region, but you may also get lucky at a local co-op or farmers market.
😋 You can eat one straight, or use it as an ingredient. Think ice cream, jam, or pudding. No recipe needed. Just keep in mind that its shelf life is short.
A study says ospreys, raptor icons of Jersey Shore waterways, are in peril.
New Jersey joined a coalition of states suing the Trump administration over its attempts to cancel two big offshore wind leases and pay the companies $1.4 billion to develop fossil fuel projects instead.
My colleague Lisa Dukart, Inquirer Local newsletter writer, wants to take us to a lovely green space that’s well worth checking out:
While it’s not a month that first comes to mind for visiting a garden, late September is an unexpectedly wonderful time to do so. Native flowers are still in bloom, the air’s a touch cooler, and the leaves are getting the first hints of autumn color. While I was prepared for a small dose of beauty, what I found on a recent visit to PHS Meadowbrook Farm was much more magical than I expected.
This quiet, 21-acre oasis in Abington Township unfolded slowly thanks to its intentional design, giving me space to savor each moment as I meandered the grounds of the stately 1936 home once owned by the Pennock family.
The beauty begins at the entryway, where the stone facade is surrounded by an array of plants and flowers in a rainbow of colors. Beyond the house, almost seemingly tucked away, are a jewel box of garden rooms — some featuring colorful pollinator flowers or herbs, others showy blooms like roses and dahlias, while others are grounded in architectural details like a fountain or pool. Whichever direction you step, each room feels like a well-kept secret meant to be taken in slowly.
PHS Meadowbrook Farm is open Wednesdays to Saturdays from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. through Oct. 17.
Looks and sounds utterly gorgeous. Thank you, Lisa.
What about you, dear reader? Got any favorite spots or special outdoor memories to share? Email me here (with pictures, if you have them). You may see your story featured here.
🎤 Let me pass the mic to Inquirer reporter Sarah Nicell.
For many, a quintessential South Jersey fall includes apple picking, a warm cider, and sugared doughnuts.
But fall in the Garden State might look a little different this year after a spring freeze left farms across the region with damaged apple varieties and huge crop losses — at least $300 million worth, Gov. Mikie Sherrill said in May.
With pumpkin spice and Halloween decorations already signaling fall’s arrival, farmers and produce sellers are trying their best to get by with fewer apples, or none at all. — Sarah Nicell
Alexander “Chicken Man” Tominsky walked into the Museum of the Philadelphian in a Canadian tuxedo and a baseball hat with “Phillies” written on it in marker on Tuesday and was blown away to find his name on a plaque alongside other local legends like Benjamin Franklin and Philly Elmo.
“No way! Oh my gracious! Who would have known when I was a little kid crying in my pillow something like this would happen,” he said, pointing to his name.
Tominsky — who became renowned throughout the land in 2022 for eating 40 rotisserie chickens in 40 days, culminating with a public noshing of a chicken on an abandoned Walmart pier in South Philly — was invited to a preview opening for the museum by its founder and creator, Brian Adoff.
Founder and creator Brian Adoff outside his Museum of the Philadelphian in Fishtown.Monica Herndon / Staff Photographer
“The museum is about the personality and attitude and conduct of Philadelphians,” Adoff said. “My personal hope is that you leave inspired to really be the best version of yourself, the best Philadelphian you can be.”
Located in a 300-square-foot storefront that was previously Adoff’s office on East Girard Avenue in Fishtown, the free, temporary “micro museum” is just down the road from another Philly landmark — the “I Hate Bank of America” sign. The large, yellow banner was put up by a homeowner in 2007, after the bank branch across the street ticked him off. The branch closed many years ago, but the sign remains, a grand tribute to Philadelphians’ spite.
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What makes Philadelphians this way? And what makes it so oddly endearing? These are questions Adoff explores in his absurd and unexpectedly heartwarming museum, which opens Friday.
“There’s an emotional narrative arc the museum takes in its 300 square feet, where it ends with literally a book of Philadelphians who exhibit five qualities that I’ve determined, with my crack team of curatorial advisers, that make up a Philadelphian,” Adoff said.
As of a student of the Philadelphian who’s written hundreds of profiles of the everyday people who make me love this city more every day, I thought Adoff had set a lofty goal for himself when we first met earlier this month. How do you distill what it means to be a Philadelphian in 300 square feet? And how do you decide who makes the cut?
At the preview Tuesday, I was pleased to find that over the course of about 20 exhibits in the space, Adoff skillfully addresses the Santa-hating-battery-throwing-robot-killing tropes that haunt Philadelphians, while also getting to the oddly-touching truths behind those, and other very Philly stories.
Visitors browse the Museum of the Philadelphian.Monica Herndon / Staff Photographer
And while Adoff and his team have compiled a “Register of Philadelphians” with more than 50 names and stories of local folk heroes who epitomize what it means to be a Philadelphian, their best decision may have been to include cards for visitors to nominate their own quintessential Philadelphian. Because if one thing is certain, Philly is going to have thoughts.
Grease the pole
Guests are greeted in the museum’s front window by a re-creation of the death of hitchBOT, the hitchhiking Canadian robot who traveled across the country on human kindness, only to be dismembered and beheaded in Philly. In the accompanying plaque, Adoff notes that Philadelphians offered to rebuild the robot, and that a Philly police detective jokingly blamed the crime on New Jerseyans.
A re-creation of the death of hitchBOT is displayed in the front window of the Museum of the Philadelphian.Monica Herndon / Staff Photographer
Once inside the museum, two large papier-mâché sculptures immediately catch the eye — one, of a Philadelphian climbing a greased pole, and the other of Jason Kelce during his Eagles Super Bowl speech. In the first, guests are invited to “grease the pole” with a paintbrush and clear goo from a nearby can (you know I did it!), and at the latter, visitors can stand under a sound dome (fancy!) in front of the sculpture to hear Kelce’s “Hungry Dogs” speech.
A papier-mâché sculpture of Jason Kelce during his 2018 Eagles Super Bowl speech is featured in the Museum of the Philadelphian.Monica Herndon / Staff Photographer
In the center of the room is a freestanding wall with a rearview mirror on it. The accompanying plaque tells the story of Ted Passon, whose parked car was flipped in the aftermath of the Phillies 2008 World Series win. Passon created a blog asking Philadelphians who enjoyed the spectacle to help pay for his vehicle, and through the generosity of donors, he was able to get a new car and give $3,000 to someone else whose car was flipped. On an iPad at the exhibit, visitors can play a YouTube video of the flipping and read Passon’s blog.
I remembered the story well because I interviewed Passon about it in 2008. Seeing him at the event Tuesday was a full-circle Philly moment for both of us. Passon, who’s now an Emmy Award-winning documentarian, said he was happy to loan the mirror of the vehicle Philly claimed from him to the museum.
“It’s an honor to be included in the story of Philadelphia,” he said. “If I can be a footnote in the city’s history, I did something right in my life.”
‘Booing is my love language’
Other exhibits explore Philadelphians’ history with booing, our history of throwing things, and the five qualities Adoff and his team have decided make a Philadelphian, with number one being, “Does not wait for permission.”
The “Register of Philadelphians” on the wall and accompanying book begins in 1731 with Benjamin Franklin and ends this year, with Jameka Wilson, the woman who went viral for her TV interview about kicking a man in a Chucky mask who was terrorizing pedestrians.
The Register of Philadelphians features notable Philadelphians ranging from Ben Franklin to Jameka Wilson. To the left of the register is the museum’s official portrait gallery, which can be seen through two ViewMasters. Monica Herndon / Staff Photographer
I was excited to see a couple people I’ve written about on the list, including Paul “Jelloman” Vile and the late Gilbert Hilton, who turned heads across the city for years in his “Badillac” car, which was covered in items from Goodwill, and who was one of the most Philly people I’ve ever met.
There’s also a portrait gallery by the Rev. Michael Alan of seven Philadelphians in the register that can only be seen through an old-school ViewMaster, which were a hit with the crowd.
“It was a small space and this was a way to make something look bigger without being bigger,” Alan said.
Creator and founder Brian Adoff talks about the Museum of the Philadelphian in front of the museum’s gift shop. Monica Herndon / Staff Photographer
The tiny museum even has a gift shop with shirts that say “I greased the pole at the Museum of the Philadelphian” and bumper stickers that read “Booing is my love language.”
‘The most Philadelphian thing’
The museum was funded by Adoff through his experience design studio, Architects of Human Connection, and admission is free because he believes “the Philadelphian has paid enough.”
The museum is a culmination of Adoff’s many endeavors over the years, from music, clowning, absurdist theater, and working as a tour guide for the Greater Philadelphia Film Office, to managing a software business and, most recently, creating events that connect Philadelphians.
In 2023, he cofounded the Fishtown Choir,and last year, Adoff created Join Philly, which connects Philadelphians with area clubs and groups.
The idea for the museum came to Adoff in June, as he was trying to think of uses for his storefront office space. With the help of five paid collaborators, Adoff built the museum in less than three months, which is impressive, given the amount of research that clearly went into the exhibits, plaques, and bios.
“It started kind of absurd and silly until I was like, ‘Oh, this is just like everything else I do. It matters and it actually has heart and it has meaning,” he said.
Brian Adoff in the Museum of the Philadelphian he created in Fishtown. Monica Herndon / Staff Photographer
Here’s the potentially scandalous thing — Adoff isn’t a Philly native. He’s originally from Long Island, moved to Cherry Hill as a kid, and came to Philly to attend the University of Arts. He spent time in Chicago then returned to Fishtown 20 years ago, where now lives with his wife and son.
Knowing how nativist Philly can be (my native colleagues said transplants can “never” say they’re from Philly if they moved after the age of 13), I had to ask Adoff what gave him the gall to open the museum.
“Because I express the qualities that make a Philadelphian,” he said.
“But you decided those qualities, right?” I asked. (They are: 1. Does not wait for permission 2. Decides for themselves what is worth doing 3. Keeps going whether encouraged or not 4. Does not care what anyone thinks 5. Believes, in their heart, the work is needed).
“Yes, which is the most Philadelphian thing I could have done,” he said.
Adoff wants people to leave his museum feeling as inspired as he did after watching the opening of the Obama Presidential Center on TV. He dreams of Rob Mac narrating an audio tour of the exhibit, like Steve Buscemi does for Eastern State Penitentiary. And his longterm goal is to open a more universal experience one day — a fart museum. Everybody isn’t lucky enough to be a Philadelphian, but everyone farts.
I imagine Benjamin Franklin, a fellow Philly transplant who once wrote a satirical essay about flatulence, would think that’s a gas.
Darrin Rowland (left), and Leslye Rowland grease the pole sculpture at the Museum of the Philadelphian on Tuesday. Monica Herndon / Staff Photographer
Know before you go
The museum, 454 E. Girard Ave., is open Fridays (5 to 8 p.m.), Saturdays (noon to 5 p.m.), and Sundays (noon to 5 p.m.) Sept. 25 through Nov. 1.
Admission is free, but timed reservations online are recommended. Opening night is already booked and only a few spots remain for this weekend.
Like Philadelphia, there is a lack of public bathrooms at the museum, in that there are none.
The museum is wheelchair accessible via a temporary ramp. Email visit@museumofthephiladelphian.org prior to visiting so staff can have the ramp ready.
All ages are welcome, but some exhibits do include profanity.
DEAR ABBY: I have a mother-in-law of 30 years I distance myself from. I do this in order to maintain my sanity. She seems incapable of carrying on a normal conversation and responds to any comment or question by talking about herself, even though it usually has nothing to do with what was said. What bothers me most is when she’s around our adult children. She won’t ask them any questions, isn’t interested in how they are or what they are up to, and doesn’t say anything loving or kind. Instead, she drones on about other people in her life who have nothing to do with us. We constantly say we don’t know that person, but she continues talking about them. I have tried for many years to redirect conversations, to no avail. She has been this way for as long as I have known her. Do you think it’s possible to get through to a person like this, to make her understand how a normal conversation should go? Do you think it’s terrible for her grandchildren not to want to be around her? I don’t encourage them to spend much time with her because they end up feeling annoyed and disappointed. That, however, does not sit well with their father. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
— FRUSTRATED DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your mother-in-law appears to be solely centered upon herself. If, after 30 years, you haven’t been able to get through to her that her lack of interest in her grandchildren has isolated her from them, you and your husband must recognize that she isn’t going to change. There is no quick fix for this. After three decades of this treatment, your children will never want to be in their grandmother’s presence any more than they are required to be, whether it sits well with their father or not.
** ** **
DEAR ABBY: My sister and I have an OK relationship. When we were younger, we always fought, but that’s what siblings do. When my father died, I learned about it not from a phone call, but on social media. To say I was hurt and angry is an understatement. How can I get past this? I told my sister how hurt I was when it happened, but I can’t seem to move on. Now my mother is not doing well, and I’m afraid this will happen again since I have been named executor of her will and a trustee of any assets to be received by my older sister. What are your thoughts on how to get past this and potentially handle any future dealings?
— YOUNG EXECUTOR
DEAR YOUNG EXECUTOR: I’m sorry to learn your mother is unwell. Executorship is a big responsibility. As you navigate the next steps, try to set the tone with humility. Instead of dwelling on the past, fulfill your duties objectively and with diligence. If the estate is large and your sister is unhappy with the terms of the will, consult a probate lawyer to keep matters from getting personal.
DEAR ABBY: I am a widow who lost my husband 15 years ago. When my husband died, we had a daughter and one grandson. My daughter, a single mom, later had another son.
I have my own business and have worked hard these many years to help support my daughter, who is financially irresponsible. She has been evicted four times in the past 10 years, had two cars repossessed and can’t seem to keep a job for even a year.
I am at my wits’ end. I need to stop helping her financially because it’s affecting my financial and mental health. She doesn’t have a job and can’t get her own place, so I feel I have no choice but to let her move in with me. I want to put a limit on how long she can stay. What should I do?
— SUBJUGATED IN TEXAS
DEAR SUBJUGATED: Do not allow your daughter to move in with you. If she does, you will never get rid of her. Give her a certain amount of money for shelter and make it plain that she must use it to find a place to live (if only temporarily). Because it’s the last handout she’ll receive, she must get a job to support herself and her children. Then let her live the life she has chosen for herself. If you don’t, you will be your dysfunctional daughter’s prisoner until the day you die.
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DEAR ABBY: Throughout my professional career, I was a quality assurance engineer with the task of analysis and corrective actions. If something broke or an error was made (for example, a worker’s hand getting caught in a machine), I’d try to identify a fix so it wouldn’t happen again. I am now retired and still tend to approach things with the same attitude.
I often get frustrated when someone makes an error and there’s no corrective action, admission that a mistake was made or even a small apology. I recently discovered an error on my financial accounts and asked the bank how this was overlooked even after I had pointed out the error prior to the account being processed. Abby, I was completely ignored and never received any feedback. What’s the best way to ask someone for an explanation concerning what actions were taken to ensure the error does not happen again?
— KEEN ON QUALITY
DEAR KEEN ON QUALITY: In your line of work, safety was the top priority. You developed a zero-tolerance attitude toward errors because it was literally a matter of life and limb. Outside that environment, however, you may find it helpful to remember that the stakes are not nearly so high.
No permanent harm came of the bank error. You are right that it would be best if the bank reviewed its procedures to avoid future errors, but that’s their job, not yours. Having corrected the error in a timely fashion, the bank owes you no further explanation. Trust that, in the future, they will do their best to improve without your help (but always check your statements).
