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Tag: Advice Chat

  • Did I buy too much John’s Water Ice for the offseason? My wife thinks so.

    Did I buy too much John’s Water Ice for the offseason? My wife thinks so.

    This week’s question (Have your own? Submit it here.):

    John’s Water Ice just closed for the season, so I decided to do something smart this year: I stocked up. Almost half our freezer is filled with it.

    But, my wife says it’s too much, that we have to have people over soon to eat through it so we actually have freezer space, and that it won’t even taste as good a month from now. But I say: Some John’s is better than no John’s. Did I go too far? Or not far enough?

    Mike Newall, Life & Culture reporter

    Do not second-guess yourself for a moment. You are a good husband and a good man. You saw water ice and you got it and you gave it a home for the winter and now many of your neighbors will want to be your friends. Congrats, you are a local hero.

    If anything, I’d start clearing freezer space for the water ice ahead of time.

    Abigail Covington, Life & Culture reporter

    Listen, I love John’s too. But I am firmly with your wife on this one. Do you want to be the kind of guy who stocks up on stuff? Get a second freezer for the garage. Everybody knows that’s where overflow goods go. You cannot waste precious freezer space on a seasonal treat.

    Mike Newall

    Oh, Abigail, we have been through so much together — I think maybe two of these advice chats, at least — and now we part ways — or at least opinions. Water ice! Water ice! Water ice!

    I see your point on the basement freezer (that’s where my pop kept his pickled pig’s feet). But it’s not like this is last month’s leftovers — it’s water ice. It’ll be gone before Halloween.

    Abigail Covington

    Yes, maybe a compromise is in order. Give the water ice an expiration date. It has to be gone before the holidays when leftovers will inevitably need to move in. Or, I like Mike’s idea — Halloween.

    Mike Newall

    Here’s my thing: Let’s fast-forward a couple weeks or even more to the heart of fall. Leaves are falling. Eagles are on TV. Chill in the air. And you’re in your living room enjoying some fine — possibly maybe a little bit freezer burnt if you don’t really shut the lids — pineapple water ice. To me the appeal is enjoying something when you normally can’t. It’s more than a treat. It’s a little seasonal nostalgia.

    Freezer burn is a reasonable fear, and the sugar and water can over-crystallize over time, making the ice somewhat grainy. But I’m sure that takes time. More than enough time for you to kick back with some well-preserved lemon ice after Thanksgiving dinner.

    Abigail Covington

    I’m sorry but who in Hades wants to eat water ice in November? It’s not ice cream! You can’t serve it with pumpkin pie. I get the nostalgia element, but the joy of a seasonal treat is that it’s seasonal. Make it available year-round and it will undoubtedly lose its luster, especially if it’s got the freezer burn fuzzies.

    Mike Newall

    Oh boy, I got a chill from “freezer burn fuzzies.”

    You know what, Abigail. You convinced me.

    In the spirit of compromise, a solution: Why don’t you and your wife make a water ice date on the next lovely evening. Sit out on the stoop. Enjoy it. Pass it around. Talk about the old days and good times. And then go back inside and chuck the rest out.

    Abigail Covington

    Agreed. There are plenty of water ice spots that stay open year-round for the diehards like yourself. Venture out of the house when the craving hits and let the contents of your freezer change with the seasons. Your wife will thank you.

  • Should my 5th grader take Regional Rail alone?

    Should my 5th grader take Regional Rail alone?

    This week’s question (Have your own? Submit it here.):

    My fifth grader wants to take Regional Rail back from his downtown magnet school by himself. He’s done a few weeks with an adult so he knows the route, and I can track him on my phone. But he doesn’t have any buddies to walk back with. Is this crazy, or will it help foster independence?

    Amy Rosenberg, Life & Culture reporter

    I want this to be OK, but my first thought is maybe fifth grade is a little too young?

    Elizabeth Wellington, features columnist

    I think you might be right, Amy. I mean, when I was 10 — and that was 100 years ago — I took the bus by myself. But the train was a different animal completely. There are a lot of ways for them to get lost, and missing a stop is a long walk, rather than a few blocks. You know?

    Amy Rosenberg

    It also depends on the child. Some are more ready than others. A group of fifth graders, or maybe two of them together, might work? Not sure about the walk home from the stop either. I walked to and from school for lunch as a fifth grader and that seemed fine, but it was also a long time ago.

    Elizabeth Wellington

    I walked to and from school by myself when I was in the fifth grade. I demanded it because I had a crush on a boy, but that’s another story.

    Now, I’d be afraid to let my fifth grader walk to the end of the block by themselves. Then again, I wouldn’t want to foster sense of fear for the city in my fifth grader either.

    Amy Rosenberg

    I used to walk home and read the newspaper that was in the driveway and eat my lunch out of a bag (not every day!). My girls had a lot of freedom as kids, but still, as fifth graders they were not traveling around by themselves.

    Maybe this person hires someone to meet the child at the train station? I’d definitely try to find another student making that same trip. Maybe there’s an older student that could be a buddy.

    Elizabeth Wellington

    That’s a great idea. I think the fifth grader wants to feel independent around friends, and there are always friends to travel from school to the train with. If someone is waiting for them when they get home then the parent can know the child made it home safely and the 10-year-old can still feel cared for. Because sometimes when you’re 10 — and even when you are 50 — you need to know someone is there for you when you get home.

    When the 10-year-old becomes a 12-year-old or maybe even 13, then they can travel by themselves confidently. Even today, as Gen X’s latchkey-kid generation, I’m not sure 9- and 10-year-olds coming home by themselves from school was the safest thing.

    Amy Rosenberg

    I agree. There’s a lot of maturing that happens between 10 and 12. I think kids should move around the city confidently and be able to ride public trains by themselves, but the sweet spot age seems a little bit older than fifth grade. Especially the start of fifth grade.

    I also think the parent would worry, and be constantly tracking, or even on the phone with the child, and that’s hardly independence. That’s just anxiety.

    Elizabeth Wellington

    And independence for one person should never translate to anxiety for a loved one.

    Amy Rosenberg

    I had an after-school babysitter one year who famously drove into our garage door with my girls in the backseat, at around fifth grade. Luckily, only damage to the garage door. So danger everywhere!

    Elizabeth Wellington

    Yeah, and I fear a 10-year-old kid walking to and from school by themselves, even with a cell phone, might be a danger magnet.

    I’m getting nervous just thinking about it.

    Amy Rosenberg

    I have recently done a bit of traveling on Regional Rail, and I didn’t see anyone that young. And those stations are big. It’s nice to want independence for your kids, but this seems like a big step. I would definitely wait, or try to find a traveling buddy.

    I also bet other parents at the school have a big range of travel strategies and opinions about age and independence.

    So, look for smaller ways to foster independence at this age.

    Elizabeth Wellington

    And explain it to them in a way that doesn’t say you don’t trust them, but that it’s a good idea to wait a few years.

    Amy Rosenberg

    Yeah, lean into finding a buddy or two. I traveled on trains to school with buddies beginning at around 14 and those were great memories.

    Elizabeth Wellington

    I think it’s important that the child knows that it’s not that you don’t trust them. … Just it’s not their season yet to be taking public transportation alone.

  • What do I do about the worst helicopter parent I’ve ever met?

    What do I do about the worst helicopter parent I’ve ever met?

    This week’s question (Have your own? Submit it here.):

    At school drop-off, a mother likes to hover around the kids and discipline all of them for every little thing. If there were any actual issues, we’d step in, of course, but if they’re bumping into each other on purpose and laughing, for example, she tells them things like “Stop doing that, it’s almost school time!” or “Francesca doesn’t like that!” (Not the kid’s real name.) Also it’s very clear that Francesca does in fact like it, so we just tell our kids it’s fine. The mom stands right over her daughter and says things like, “We don’t do that, right?” It’s very performative and very annoying.

    Now I respect that she can parent her kid however she wants to, but forcefully talking to our kids is driving some of us nuts. I believe kids usually can and should work out issues amongst themselves (again, though, we haven’t actually seen an issue!). She’s not only a helicopter parent, she’s a military-helicopter parent hovering over her kid and attacking the rest. Do we just keep telling our kids it’s fine and maybe, in private, tell them to not listen to her or do we take her aside and tell her what’s what?

    Zoe Greenberg, Life & Culture reporter

    Francesca is caught between a rock and a hard place.

    So, Mike, how would you approach this very annoying and very performative military-helicopter parent?

    It seems to me that the obviously “right” thing to do is to take her aside and talk things out kindly and compassionately.

    Mike Newall, Life & Culture reporter

    Oh yes. I think we can cut the preliminary “see it from both sides” stuff on this one. Time to confront. And, Zoe, you’re right: the only question is how. Public humiliation? Or private intimidation?

    Zoe Greenberg

    You’re not entertaining the private, gentle-parenting conversation with the parent?

    Mike Newall

    No, I am. When I first started reading this question, I thought: “Classic kiss-up parent.” You see them often in the wild. The endlessly chatty and performative parent who hovers near the teacher every morning. Those parents can be handled with a quick joke or snarky comment. But this seems like something more. Something deeper. More ingrained. This demands a gently stern talking to.

    You don’t parent other people’s kids. Unless the kid is in danger or a danger to someone else.

    Zoe Greenberg

    I don’t know that I would have the courage of my convictions to take this parent aside myself, although I would know in my heart it’s what should be done. But if I did, I would say something along the lines of, “Hey, I notice that you’re concerned about what’s happening between the kids and often telling them to stop. To me, it looks fine. I wonder if we can let the kids work it out amongst themselves unless there’s a major issue.”

    What motivates a performative parent do you think?

    Mike Newall

    Insecurity is the main motivator.

    Zoe Greenberg

    Right. Insecurity! And I wonder if taking the parent aside would ramp the insecurity up. They become defensive. They say “Your kid is terribly behaved!” “Your child is coming for my precious Francesca!”

    Mike Newall

    That’s why I do think the parent needs a little compassion.

    Here’s what I would do:

    Linger. The insecure parent kissing up to the teacher, telling every kid what to do always lingers. So wait them out. Until every kid has entered and it’s just the helicopter mom, the teacher, and you. Then, with a smile: confront.

    Zoe Greenberg

    With a SMILE!!!

    Newall goes in for the kill.

    Mike Newall

    Here’s a basic script you can follow: Hey, whoever. Just so you know my wife/husband and I have spent a lot of time carefully teaching our precious Johnny or Katie how to behave. We have somehow made it this far — to be a little snarky, add exactly how far — to the third grade of whatever elementary without your help. We appreciate the consideration but would feel much more comfortable if you would stop talking to our child like that.

    Zoe Greenberg

    It sounds like there are multiple parents and multiple kids involved here, but I feel a one-on-one is best. Otherwise it becomes a bit of a gang-up, fueling insecurity further.

    Mike Newall

    One-on-one is best. If the teacher is there as a witness though, that’s not a terrible thing. The parent will likely be stunned into quiet after your initial salvo. Fill that pause politely but firmly. Be an adult. But lay the line down.

    If the teacher is cool, they’ll be silently cheering you on.

    Zoe Greenberg

    And then let the children figure it out! Let them create their utopian society together, where they work through conflict with patience and calm, from each according to her ability to each according to her need etc.

    Mike Newall

    Exactly, Zoe!

    This is their turf. I used to marvel at the social intricacies my son was dealing with in pre-K. Every day, on the ride home, he’d rattle off from the back seat about who was whose best friend on any given day. Who was mean. Who was nice. Who was acting like the king of the seesaw. And he had to figure it all out on his own.

    Zoe Greenberg

    Good training for life.

  • Should I slide to the middle seat on a crowded train or can I stand up and force someone else to take it?

    Should I slide to the middle seat on a crowded train or can I stand up and force someone else to take it?

    This week’s question (Have your own? Submit it here.):

    On Regional Rail, I often sit in the aisle of a three-seater, knowing the car will fill up at rush hour. When it does, I stand up so another passenger can take the middle seat, then return to my aisle seat. My friend says that’s awkward on a busy car, and I should just slide over. Who’s right?

    Beatrice Forman, Food & Dining reporter

    I feel like sliding over is one of those things that’s baked into the social contract of riding public transit, TBH.

    If it’s a busy car, it’s your moral duty to slide over and free up the aisle seat. Sitting at the end of the row is a defensive posture that makes it seem like you don’t want someone next to you.

    Abigail Covington, Life & Culture reporter

    The right thing to do is slide over.

    Beatrice Forman

    I think it’s weird because it treats the middle seat kind of like a punishment? And most Regional Rail rides aren’t long enough to the point that it matters. One of my favorite facts about Regional Rail is that none of the trains have bathrooms because the trips aren’t that long.

    Abigail Covington

    I would absolutely do what the writer does. Everybody knows the middle seat is terrible. The window is better because you don’t have people on either side of you. The aisle is better because it makes it easier and faster to get off the train. The only reason to sit in the middle is if there is nowhere else to sit. If the aisle was open when you got to it, you hold onto that seat for dear life. It’s basically like riding first class for free.

    Beatrice Forman

    I don’t know that taking the middle seat makes it that much slower to get off the train. It’s like when people stand as soon as the airplane lands! It doesn’t help you move any quicker. The real prime real estate is getting a seat close enough to a door. First class does still have middle seats, after all.

    I always slide over because of the golden rule. I would hate to be relegated to the middle seat for the rest of my life just because my stop is closer to the end of the line.

    Abigail Covington

    Yeah, Bea, you’re correct. The right, polite thing to do is slide over. If you’re getting up to let someone else in, you’re causing commotion in the aisle, forcing others to move, or shoving them closer together. Trains work best when everybody on them works together to create a seamless, efficient experience. Like stepping off the train at a stop if you’re standing by the door. By not scooting over, you’re being a bottleneck.

    Beatrice Forman

    And no one likes a bottleneck.

    Abigail Covington

    Exactly. And I say that with love, as a fellow aisle seat-addicted bottleneck.

    Beatrice Forman

    You know, at least they’re not one of those people that take their shoes off on the train. Those people deserve the middle seat for life.

  • My parents keep insisting we take visitors to the Liberty Bell. How can I convince them to go … anywhere else?

    My parents keep insisting we take visitors to the Liberty Bell. How can I convince them to go … anywhere else?

    This week’s question (Have your own? Submit it here.):

    My parents keep insisting we take visitors to the Liberty Bell. I’ve been five times this year. I can’t do it anymore, but they want me to tag along because they think if I don’t I’ll just play my Switch at home. How can I convince them to go … anywhere else?

    Zoe Greenberg, Life & Culture reporter

    First of all, I assume that you’re a child, or at least someone who has to listen to your parents, and I want to say thank you for your dedication to The Philadelphia Inquirer.

    Mike Newall, Life & Culture reporter

    Yes, PiningforSwitch, I too will operate under the assumption you are a sophisticated, well-read minor who enjoys stellar local news coverage and playing Nintendo.

    I have to ask, “Why are your folks so enamored with the Liberty Bell?” Don’t get me wrong, I love a good bell, especially that one. But seems like your parents are dragging every out-of-town Tom, Dick, and Mary to the thing every chance they get.

    Zoe Greenberg

    I’m thinking we need to approach this with a Compelling List of Alternatives.

    Mike Newall

    I mean we are a world-class city of world-class history, culture, food, neighborhoods. Roam the Barnes. Washington’s tent at the Revolution Museum is always a kick. Run the Rocky steps even. But come on, how much Liberty Bell does one family need?

    Zoe Greenberg

    I feel like the Liberty Bell is a one-stop generic stop. We need to get more specific for each visitor. Do they love food? Take them to Reading Terminal. Or Pizzeria Beddia. Or Irwin’s at the top of the Bok building with an unmatched view of the city. (All things I’ve done with Philly visitors, by the way, and they were all hits.)

    Mike, what would you recommend for history buff visitors?

    Mike Newall

    Walk Old City. There are the big places — the Revolution Museum, Independence Hall — and so many smaller museums filled with treasures. The American Philosophical Society, home to Lewis and Clark’s actual journals — is a can’t miss hoot.

    But one more thing on PiningForSwitch’s parents:

    I haven’t been to the Liberty Bell in a few years, but I remember this photo that hung in the pavilion. A photo of a South Philly rowhouse bedroom from 1976 decorated to the hilt for the Bicentennial with every imaginable Liberty Bell paraphernalia: Photos. Pillows. Bed sheets. Big bells. Small bells. Liberty Bells everywhere. Every time I went, I was enamored with this photo. I respect obsessions. But that’s a lot of bells. But now I’m thinking this photo of this crazy Liberty Bell bedroom could be the childhood bedroom of one of your parents, PiningForSwitch. It’s all starting to make sense.

    Zoe Greenberg

    You think it’s an unhealthy obsession with the bell?

    Mike Newall

    No, I totally get obsessions. I have so many — comics, gardening, banging on a guitar — but I don’t drag Uncle Norman and Aunt Bea to my living room to watch me play every time they pass through town. Variety is the spice of life, wouldn’t you agree, PiningForSwitch?

    OK, another tip. The Navy Yard! Best place in Philly. Beautiful. Historic. Quiet.

    Zoe Greenberg

    Your parents need to start thinking about the obsessions of their visitors. Mosaics? Take them to Philly’s Magic Gardens. Impossible to get dinner reservations? Her Place Supper Club. Semi-illegal urban gallery that might fall into the water (more)? Graffiti Pier!!!

    Mike Newall

    Oh my, Zoe. You could be a tour guide in another life. I want to do all the things you said. (I am actually a registered Philadelphia tour guide. I forgot that to this very moment.)

    Oh, no. I am having a vision. It’s PiningForSwitch and his parents and his poor relatives and they are trekking out of the Liberty Bell and where are they going? Every time? Wawa!!!! That’s their Philly tour. A cracked bell and Wawa. Oh, no.

    Zoe Greenberg

    It’s tragic. In 2026.

    Mike Newall

    I mean it is right across the street. But still.

    Zoe Greenberg

    I haven’t been to the Liberty Bell since my high school class trip. There’s too much else to do!

    Mike Newall

    How do they confront their parents?

    A calm conversation. A suggestion of a different place to visit. An advice question to the local paper?

    Zoe Greenberg

    I’d say draw up a list of alternatives so thrilling, your parents can’t turn you down. This isn’t about the Switch. It’s about respect for Philadelphia.

  • My neighbor is already putting up Halloween decorations

    My neighbor is already putting up Halloween decorations

    This week’s question (Have your own? Submit it here.):

    My neighbor has started decorating for Halloween. There are six skeletons in the yard, jack-o’-lanterns hanging around the whole front of the house, fake tombstones that have punny names (I.P. Freely), and I know a lot more is coming. Halloween is more than two months away and it’s still 90 degrees outside. Is it too early for this or am I being a Grumpy Gus?

    Elizabeth Wellington, Features columnist

    Yes, you are being a Grumpy Gus, but I’m right there with you. I’m one of the people who get sad on June 21 on the summer solstice when the days start getting shorter.

    People who rush autumn get on my nerves. That goes for the stores that stock back-to-school supplies in July, and the pumpkin spice lattes available the second week of August.

    Stephanie Farr, Features columnist

    I just said last weekend “I can’t wait for Christmas,” so I’m about doing whatever you need to do to get you from now until the end of the year. That being said, part of what makes decorations special is that they’re only up for a limited amount of time every year.

    If this person wants to approach their neighbor about these decorations, how would you suggest they go about it, Elizabeth?

    EW: Ugh… you are one of those I love Christmas people… (I guess I’m a little bit of a Grinch, too).

    Honestly, I don’t think a person has the right to approach their neighbor about their decorations. Their house. Their skeletons. But perhaps the offended — and I do count myself in this group — can do some self-care to soften the blow. Perhaps you sit by your window and drink margaritas. Maybe you just close your eyes tightly when you walk by? Maybe retaliate and decorate your home with sunflowers and a “Welcome Summer!” banner in March?

    SF: I’m down with that retaliation plan, Grinchy McGrinch. Honestly, when I moved to this region I was shocked by how many holidays people decorate for. I didn’t even know that there were Thanksgiving decorations, and now everybody has a dang inflatable turkey in their front lawn in November! Heck, there are already fall and Eagles decorations around me in Delco, which should definitely get their time in the sun before folks start exhuming their Halloween decorations.

    There’s one person in my neighborhood who keeps their 12-foot skeleton up all year around, but just takes the legs off in the offseason. I think I’d definitely have to say something to them if I lived next door.

    EW: Only you can call me Grinchy McGrinch.

    But what do you say to a person about their decorations? I hate your pumpkins and cornucopia, please take them down until Sept. 1? That’s wrong, too. I think we McGrinches have to grin and bear it.

    For the record, I think Eagles decorations are about Philly pride and sportsmanship (and I’m not even a sports fan). They don’t make me grimace. They are allowed to be up year round just because. That’s contradictory, isn’t it?

    I think First Amendment rights extend to holiday decorations, even though it makes me crazy.

    SF: Bringing in the founding principles of our country, that’s some heavy fire power!

    It’s very admirable of you to grin and bear it in silence. But I also think there’s a growing portion of the population who do whatever they want and don’t care how it affects others and that does bother me.

    EW: I just don’t think putting up holiday decorations rises to the level of infringing on my rights. It’s infringing on my personal joy, yes. But not my rights. Why should I be forced to think about my future because you don’t want to deal with your present?

    SF: I guess it depends on whether you put your decorations out early to bring yourself joy or to bring joy to others. In the end, the only person you can make happy is yourself, so if you find putting skeletons up in August humerus, go for it.

    But if you put your Halloween decorations up in August to bring joy to others, they’re going to lose their luster by the time October comes.

    EW: Yeah, if you like getting all gussied up for the holiday, go for it. Nobody can stop you. Just know you might be triggering Scrooges… Your joy isn’t someone else’s.

    SF: One person’s treat could always be another person’s trick — or ick.

  • My kid’s school offers daily chocolate milk. Should I restrict it?

    My kid’s school offers daily chocolate milk. Should I restrict it?

    This week’s question (Have your own? Submit it here.):

    My child is about to start kindergarten and is excited about the school-provided lunch (he knows there is regular pizza). The menu looks mostly fine and I won’t stop him from enjoying it if everyone else is, but I noticed that he can choose to have chocolate milk every single day, which seems like a lot to me. Am I overthinking it or should I tell him he can only choose it once a week? I won’t even be there to see if he’s telling the truth. Do I ask the school to restrict it?

    Jason Nark, Life & Culture reporter

    I also have a child starting kindergarten, but we have to supply all the lunches.

    Zoe Greenberg, Life & Culture reporter

    Will you be packing chocolate milk every day?

    Jason Nark

    No way, but I’m not horrified by the idea. I was recently scolded for packing her marshmallows for summer camp lunch.

    Leaving it up to the kid seems like a bad idea. I have to explain this to my parents, often, when they watch my daughter. They will argue “well, she likes (insert ice cream, gummy bears, YouTube, etc.) so we give it to her.”

    Zoe Greenberg

    So I was just rereading an article about “fat activist” (her words) Virginia Sole-Smith, the author of Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture. She talked about her own method for “unhealthy” foods — she lets her kids decide, and thinks it’s a way for them to figure out what they actually want/need.

    For example, she serves brownies and Cheez-Its and chicken and broccoli at the same time on the dinner table, and the kids decide what to eat, how much to eat, and in what order. I was intrigued!

    Jason Nark

    I wonder if she’s teaching this kindergarten class.

    Zoe Greenberg

    Jason, would you talk to the school, or would you tell your daughter chocolate milk is a once-a-week delicacy?

    Jason Nark

    I would talk to the school, first, and if this was their policy, I would talk to my daughter and set some limits.

    Zoe Greenberg

    I feel like drawing attention to the chocolate milk as an everyday option, and saying it’s not allowed, makes it seem so much more interesting and desirable.

    Jason Nark

    We don’t treat kids like adults (or shouldn’t) for a reason.

    Zoe Greenberg

    I might just say nothing and assume the kid won’t drink it every day? But I also have a five-month-old and he hasn’t ever gotten to drink chocolate milk.

    In your school could you have chocolate milk at lunch? I feel like maybe I could, but I didn’t much. I’m picturing the little brown carton.

    Jason Nark

    I think we could. I drank Pepsi at lunch every day, so that’s even worse. I grew up before people drank water.

    Zoe Greenberg

    You wish you’d been restricted?

    Jason Nark

    Maybe not restricted, just more informed. I wish my wrestling team had a nutritionist.

    My daughter brings a water bottle to school every day and that’s her drink. If we go out somewhere, she can get chocolate milk or juice.

    Funnily enough, a few weeks ago, we were eating pizza and I asked her if she wanted a sip of soda and she seemed horrified.

    Zoe Greenberg

    Wow. She wants WATER.

    How would you deal with the fact that you won’t know if she does or doesn’t drink the chocolate milk, even if you set limits? To me it’s better to not introduce the “you can’t have this” and then the kid has to lie or find a workaround. (Or I guess follow the rule.)

    Jason Nark

    My daughter is a pretty straight shooter, so I think she’d follow the plan. I wouldn’t ban the chocolate milk, though.

    My bigger fight is with the grandparents.

    Zoe Greenberg

    It’s true, the grandparents will say, “He didn’t want to nap so he didn’t” and I’m like of course he didn’t want to nap, but he really does.

    Jason Nark

    As an aside, I’ve interviewed a lot of dairy farmers who tell me real milk in schools is key to their survival.

    Zoe Greenberg

    Oh wow. And I think it’s a USDA requirement. The daycare center required us to sign a waiver if our child was allergic to cow’s milk, otherwise he has to get it.

    Do you place restrictions on the grandparents?

    Jason Nark

    I try, but…

    Zoe Greenberg

    Sometimes we have to learn to let go.

    Jason Nark

    Particularly if they’re babysitting.

    Zoe Greenberg

    Yes. Unlimited chocolate milk is a small price to pay.

    Godspeed to all as the school year begins.

    Jason Nark

    Enjoy the milk!

  • I have family visiting and they want an ‘authentic Philly cheesesteak.’ Can I just order takeout from our local pizza place?

    I have family visiting and they want an ‘authentic Philly cheesesteak.’ Can I just order takeout from our local pizza place?

    This week’s question (Have your own? Submit it here.):

    I have family visiting and they want an “authentic Philly cheesesteak.” Should I take the entire day, battle traffic and parking, and shuttle them down to South Philly? Or can I order takeout from our local pizza place in the burbs? Is there that much difference?

    Stephanie Farr, features columnist

    I don’t want to start any beef, but I’m a big believer that wherever you get your cheesesteak (as long as the shop is in Philly, the burbs, or from certain portions of South Jersey) it’s probably just fine for an authentic Philly cheesesteak meal to an outsider.

    Now, if they want the authentic Philly cheesesteak experience — standing in a ridiculous line, overhearing people argue, seriously pondering whether they want liquid cheese ladled onto something they will consume, now that is a different story. What do you think, Tommy?

    Tommy Rowan, programming editor and cheesesteak connoisseur

    That’s totally cool! You can find good sandwiches anywhere. But I’m a snob, and I want a certain type of roll, and a certain type of cut of meat, and certain cheese options. So I’m the kind of person who would brave the traffic and parking to get something that tastes as authentic as possible.

    Stephanie Farr

    Great, now I feel terrible that I just ordered my dad a cheesesteak from our local pizza shop when he came to visit last year! Missteaks were made, obviously.

    Tommy Rowan

    You should not feel terrible! If he enjoyed it, that’s all that matters!

    Stephanie Farr

    Let me ask, if your out-of-town guest wants an authentic cheesesteak experience and requests to go to Pat’s or Geno’s, as a cheesesteak snob, would you take them or try to convince them to let you take them somewhere else (and, if so, where)?

    Tommy Rowan

    I would absolutely convince them to go otherwise. At its best, cheesesteaks from John’s Roast Pork, Angelo’s, or Shay’s offer an authentic taste of home: a fresh-baked roll worth its salt, tender meat with taste, and cheese that doesn’t soak the whole thing into submission. And, to your excellent point, all three offer an interesting experience. All three are in uniquely Philadelphia buildings, in uniquely Philadelphia spots, and you can pick them up on the way to the ballgame. And the people you meet will add to the experience of eating an authentic sandwich.

    John’s Roast Pork cheesesteak at the Inquirer studio on March 5, 2025. Food styling by Emilie Fosnocht.Monica Herndon / Staff Photographer

    Stephanie Farr

    I fully support your last point. The people you meet when ordering a cheesesteak in Philly definitely flavor the experience.

    Would you feel the same way if this reader was asking about another of Philadelphia’s gastronomical delights: Is the hoagie from your local pizza shop the same as one from say a Cut Above Deli or Fink’s or Paesano’s?

    Tommy Rowan

    Absolutely!

    But again, I’m picky with these things. And variety is what makes life great. What is your favorite spot to get a steak, Steph?

    Stephanie Farr

    My local pizza shop! I’m really not very picky about my steaks and I don’t eat them often, maybe once or twice a season (is eight cheesesteaks a year a lot? When I write it out it sounds like it, but I feel like I’m below average).

    Now hoagies on the other hand, I do think it matters where you get those if you’re trying to impress someone with the local culture. I find serious hoagie shops seriously impressive. I’ve definitely called some hoagies works of art before, but I can’t recall ever doing the same for a cheesesteak.

    As a cheesesteak snob, do you go for taste or presentation when trying to impress an out-of-town guest? I feel like a lot of folks I’ve taken for cheesesteaks don’t find them as aesthetically pleasing as they’d imagine (where I come from cheese is usually placed on top of the steak and toasted, not mixed all up in it).

    Tommy Rowan

    I get it! I think cheesesteaks are to me what hoagies are to you. If you are passionate about something, you have rules.

    The cheesesteak is a heavy sandwich, but there is definitely an art to the composition. And the best places keep an eye on both taste and look. The key is making sure it’s not a soggy mess.

    Stephanie Farr

    I feel like the key to cheesesteaks, hoagies, and life is to make sure it’s not a soggy mess!

    Tommy Rowan

    Amen!!!

    Stephanie Farr

    Out here in Delco, I love the hoagies at A Cut Above in Newtown Square and Pagano’s in Drexel Hill, but this conversation has made me realize I need to try some new places — both for cheesesteaks and hoagies. I’m a creature of habit, so I tend to find a place I like and stick with it, but there are so many options in the region and so many I haven’t tried yet it’s embarrassing!

    Tommy Rowan

    We may have to do a part II. I’ll go with you to a few hoagie places and you come with me to a few cheesesteak places and we can compare notes!

    Stephanie Farr

    Oh, I am so in! Lettuce proceed on this noble quest before us!

  • Should I run a cord across the sidewalk to charge an electric car?

    Should I run a cord across the sidewalk to charge an electric car?

    This week’s question (Have your own? Submit it here.):

    I’m thinking of getting an electric car even though I don’t have a driveway. I’ve seen some of my neighbors run the cords out of their rowhouses across the sidewalk to charge their cars. I’m intrigued! What’s the etiquette?

    Mike Newall, Life & Culture reporter

    Hey, Intrigued-by-Electric! I think it was Emily Post who wrote in her foundational 1922 text on manners and etiquette: “Don’t be a bozo and run electric chargers out of your rowhome!”

    Zoe Greenberg, Life & Culture reporter

    The etiquette is you must secure the wires to the sidewalk, but I have a stroller these days and the sidewalks are like an obstacle course.

    Mike Newall

    Do you want this young mom and her babe to jump rope over your car charger?

    Zoe Greenberg

    But electric cars are better for the babe’s future…

    Mike Newall

    It’s a tripping hazard and probably a city violation (and if there is one thing the city excels at, it’s enforcing violations).

    Zoe Greenberg

    Would you say electric cars are a no-go entirely?

    Mike Newall

    I love electric cars! (Disclaimer: I know nothing about electric cars except they are better for babies’ futures.)

    But when you live in a city, you have to think of your neighbors.

    Find a neighborhood charging station. If they’re filled up, you can always reserve one with a cone or folding chair (kidding… maybe).

    Zoe Greenberg

    I say you can run the cords from the rowhouse, but you have to REALLY secure it to the sidewalk. Make it like a ramp!

    Mike Newall

    Intrigued-by-Electric, you are making me and a wonderful new mom who has to jump over cables put on our public service hats.

    There aren’t enough public stations, but don’t run it from your house.

    If you have a garage, there are companies that will come out to your house and install a charger the right way so you don’t have parents and kids playing double dutch over your new plug-in wheels.

    But a little Googling has led me to another possible solution.

    Zoe Greenberg

    Look at you.

    Mike Newall

    The city seems to be planning a new program called ChargePHL where they will be installing 800 new charging ports across city neighborhoods by 2027.

    Zoe Greenberg

    Wow! So wait until 2027 to get your electric car.

    Mike Newall

    Like so many of these questions, the answer comes down to that famous passage at the end of Grapes of Wrath when Tom and everyone are walking on the road and someone talks about being part of a bigger collective struggle (they were driving a jalopy, not electric).

    When you live in a shining city like Philadelphia, you’re part of that collective struggle. You don’t thrive if your neighbor struggles.

    If you want to go electric (see above about babies’ futures) then be smart and responsible and do it in a way that doesn’t have everyone tripping.

    Zoe Greenberg

    In solidarity.

    Mike Newall

    Your heart is in the right place, Intrigued-by-Electric. Do it smart. Safe. Look up the private installations. Check out current neighborhood options, and possibly go gray waiting for the city. You came to us looking for help, so you obviously got your head on right. I trust you in this endeavor.

    Zoe Greenberg

    We’re in it together. Godspeed.

  • I just bought a South Philly house with a pristine 1950s bathroom. I want to tear it up.

    I just bought a South Philly house with a pristine 1950s bathroom. I want to tear it up.

    This week’s question (Have your own? Submit it here.):

    I just bought a South Philly house with a pristine 1950s bathroom. Everyone who sees it says I MUST keep it, pink toilet and all. But I want radiant heat flooring, marble, and a moody paint scheme. Am I a monster?

    Earl Hopkins

    NO, you are not a monster! As a homeowner, you have free will to do whatever you want with YOUR property. I’m all for architectural character, so a ’50s-style bathroom sounds beautiful. But if you want to scrap it for a more modern style, who am I — or anyone for that matter — to tell you differently? Go for it!

    What do you think, Stephanie?

    Stephanie Farr

    As someone who has pink tile in her bathroom and initially hated it when I moved in, I’d urge this reader to sit with it for a while (beyond just sitting on the toilet). My pink-tiled bathroom has grown on me over the years and now I kind of love how it feels anachronistic. I’m in the modern era in the rest of my house, but when I go to the bathroom I’m transported back to the 1950s. It’s a bathroom time machine!

    Earl, how much do you think you should let others influence your decisions with your house? Do you take input from guests? Should guests even be offering input on someone’s bathroom?

    Earl Hopkins

    No! This reader shouldn’t let any guests sway their opinion or steer their vision.

    No. 1: Buying a home is hard.

    No. 2: What may be odd or strange to one person, may be the very quirk that convinced them to purchase the home in the first place. In this case, they may have fallen out of love with the bathroom, or knew a remodel was in the cards. Either way, it’s their business.

    Stephanie, I feel like a bathroom is such an intimate place in someone’s home. What do you think?

    Stephanie Farr

    I totally get that. I think complimenting someone’s bathroom is fine but criticizing it — or the homeowner’s style preferences — is rude.

    I agree that if this person wants to renovate it they have every right to make their bathroom look like something out of the Beetlejuice house instead of out of 1950s South Philly. But, in case they feel like these comments from guests are coming out of nowhere, there is a deep appreciation for old Philly places stuck in time, particularly in South Philly. There’s an entire Instagram account called South Philly Time Capsules that features houses that haven’t been changed in decades and the first pinned post is of a pink bathroom.

    Earl, do you think there’s a way to pay homage to the old bathroom if and when it is completely modernized? Should this person take a photo of the bathroom now, frame it, and hang it up in the redone bathroom or is that just asking for more criticism?

    Earl Hopkins

    Oooh, that would be a nice touch; a great way to pay homage to the home’s roots. Plus, it could make for a great story to share with new visitors.

    Stephanie Farr

    And maybe they should save a few pieces of the tile to incorporate somewhere in the new bathroom or home too. And before the remodel, they should definitely throw a bathroom potty to send off their old restroom in style.